Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
