I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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