Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
