i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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