I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
