Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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