If i come over, it means nothing
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's great music for shaving your balls
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
