That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
