Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
