I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
