I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
