plz talk dirty to me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
