I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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