Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
