just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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