Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
