i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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