i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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