I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
