I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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