Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
