i can't believe i had my finger in that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
