no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
