so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
