my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
