$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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