The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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