I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
