theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
