mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
