No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
