I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
