i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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