3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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