i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
