Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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