Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
