I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
vagina is talking i cant
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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