Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
