I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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