FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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