She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
