All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
