My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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