who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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