If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
