i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Green mimosas i think yes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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