I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
