Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We have so much sex to catch up on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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