i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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